


She Can't Help It - She's a Cat

by SkycladFox



Series: Etherian Tails [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Humor, Silly, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkycladFox/pseuds/SkycladFox
Summary: "She can't help it.  She's a cat."Glimmer would come to regret those words, in so many ways.  Silly, cracky little stories in which no cat cliche is too hoary to be mined for laughs.  Not to be taken at all seriously.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: Etherian Tails [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771174
Comments: 13
Kudos: 170





	1. Bad Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four times Glimmer's teleporting startles Catra, and one time the Princess sorely regrets it.

Catra sat neatly cross-legged in the middle of the bedroom she shared with Adora, hands resting on her knees, eyes closed. Beyond the even, slow rise and fall of her chest and the tiniest flicking of one upright ear she was motionless. Melog was stretched out beside her, dozing, and Adora sat by the window, reading. The atmosphere in the room could hardly have been more peaceful or content-

“Hey guys!” With a blinding flash of light and sparkles Glimmer burst into being right next to the cat-girl. Anything else she tried to say was lost behind an indescribable screech. Blinking in confusion and shock, she looked up at where Catra now hung by the claws of all four tense limbs from the suspended bed, tail, hair and fur flaring, ears flat back, eyes burning with fury. Melog was a blaze of jagged red below them.

“WHY...DIDN'T...YOU... _KNOCK_?!” they screamed through a grimace of pointy teeth.

Glimmer started releasing short snorts of laughter, then clutched her sides as she dissolved in mirth completely. “Why are you so _jumpy_?”

Catra's glower found a way to become even more murderous. “I was _trying_ to meditate, Sparkles!”

“You caught her by surprise, is all,” Adora tried to placate.

“Is that it?” Glimmer's eyes shone in a way the feline girl really didn't like. “Or is it because she's a _cat_? And she can't help it?”

Catra started growling, claws digging deeper into the fabric.

“Why don't you tell us why you came, hm?” Adora suggested, hands wringing nervously.

“Oh! Yes. I just wanted to let you know the kitchen has a new flavour of ice cream. Chocolate chip!”

As Catra's yellow eye started twitching erratically, Adora hastened to bundle Glimmer out of the room. “How lovely! Thank you so much for telling us and now I think it might be a really really good idea you leave and maybe think about actually maybe possibly _knocking_ next time?”

“I'll think about it!” the Queen of Bright Moon trilled.

Adora latched the door, span round and leant against it, directing the most ingratiating grin she could muster up at the cat-girl. “Catra...”

\- - - - -

It was almost done. Every card perfectly positioned, expertly balanced in a pyramid eight tiers high, and all Catra needed to do was place the last two. She took several breaths, stretched and flexed her arms, gave both cards a wipe, then carefully, oh so carefully, eyes laser focused, a card in each hand, reached out for the top of the stack, angling them to settle perfectly in p-

“Hey guys!”

Catra jolted, her arms jerking violently down to grab the table, claws digging in, an explosion of cards erupting. She turned round to glower pure hatred at Glimmer, tail stiff and spiky, ears flat to her skull, teeth clenched so tightly their grinding was audible, a queen of clubs lodged in her hair. “I was almost _done_!”

“Oopsy,” the other girl giggled. “Sorry!” She looked around. “Where's Adora?”

“Not...here,” Catra nearly snarled. “What...flavour...this...time?”

Glimmer blinked a moment, then giggled louder. “Noo, I would _never_ interrupt you for something so inconsequential. This is about cakes.”

“ _Cakes_?” Catra's blue eye started twitching.

Glimmer nodded. “But if you're busy, I'll ask Adora. Bye!” She blinked out of existence.

Catra closed her eyes and took in very many, very long breaths, then started rebuilding her pyramid, all the while silently mulling over ways to murder a Princess with a sharpened playing card.

\- - - - -

The climax was near. The tension was unbearable. She honestly didn't know how much more she could take. Only a little further, an-

“Hey guys!”

Catra, two halves of the hardback book she'd been reading gripped so hard in her hands they were buckling, claws scraping the covers, glared at Glimmer, then panic set in. “Adora's gonna _kill_ me!”

A wave of magic from the Princess and the book floated up, knit itself back together, then plopped into the feline's lap. “No harm done. I've missed her again, haven't I?”

Catra nodded, clutching the book to her chest, glare returning. “What is it _this_ time, Sparkles? New kind of bread? New flavour of soup?”

“No. Just wanted to say hi! So hi! And now bye!” Glimmer vanished.

Both of Catra's eyes started twitching.

\- - - - -

Catra sprawled nude across the bed, her ears flushed and limp, panting heavily with tongue lolling, feeling like she was slowly dissolving into a puddle of dishevelled fur. The heat was truly intolerable, and if Adora didn't find a fan or _something_ to help cool her, she was sure she'd have to be collected in a bucket before the day was done. Melog lay out on the floor, not looking a great deal bett-

“Hey guys!” Glimmer clapped her hands as she appeared. “I've...” She sagged. “I missed her _again_?” Then stiffened, eyes widening. “W-why are you n- _naked_?!”

Catra gave her something that bore a vague, half-melted resemblance to a glare. “It's hot. I have fur. You do the math.”

“Well yes, but...” Glimmer stared fixedly exactly two feet to the right of the feline. “Th-there's still the matter of _decency_...”

“Says the Princess who barged in _without knocking_ ,” Catra drawled, a flicker of irritation in her tail. “'Sides, it's just a body, Sparkles. You've got one yourself. Same major bits, and everything.”

“Yes, but...” Glimmer stammered for several seconds, then turned on her heel. “IIII should go find Adora. Byenow.” She flashed away.

Catra rolled her eyes, then they started to widen as an idea began to take form. By the time Adora reappeared with a fan in their arms, she was wearing an expression so wicked the blonde could have sworn her ears were curving in.

“Do I want to know?” they asked, tentatively.

“I think I know how to stop dear Sparkles sparkling in uninvited.”

“Should I be worried for her?”

“Oh, it should only leave her with mild trauma. Moderate at worst.”

Adora groaned. “I'm really not going to like this, am I?”

\- - - - -

Catra lounged nude on the bed, waiting not-very-patiently for Adora to finish in the bathroom. It was late in the evening, and she had serious snuggling plans for at least another hour. Maybe two. A glittery flash announced the arrival of Glimmer, and she quickly shifted position.

“Hey g-” The Princess froze, eyes practically popping out of her head, colour rushing from her face, as she took in the sight of a naked Catra lying on their side, facing away from her, one leg lifted high, back bent round so their head was tucked beneath that limb, soft licking sounds reaching her horrified ears.

“What?” they asked, looking up, tongue extended.

“ _Why_ are you...?! That's just...” Glimmer spluttered. “ _EW_!”

“I can't help it,” Catra responded, deadpan. “I'm a cat.”

Glimmer looked about to throw up. “I am never... _ever_ teleporting in here again.” She vanished, shuddering as she did so.

Catra straightened out, lay back, picked up the bowl of chocolate chip ice cream that had been hidden behind her haunches, and lapped at it with an air of supreme satisfaction. “Mission complete.”


	2. Emphasis on Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer humiliates Catra, so Catra vows revenge.
> 
> It...doesn't go well...

“I know you love to emphasise the 'Cat' part of your name, but do you _have_ to shove your butt in my face?”

Catra threw the Queen an indignant look. “I'm just stretching. After a nap.” She yawned, as if to emphasise the point.

“Your butt,” Glimmer persisted, her lip curled in disgust. “Towards my face. Please stop.”

Catra stared at the other girl, at where her own rear was raised at the peak of a stretch almost three feet from their face, and not even aimed toward them since they were on adjacent sides of a picnic blanket, and back at the other girl. “I'm not even close.”

“Yet.” Glimmer shifted a little further from the feline.

“Oh, for...” Catra sat up, groaning. “Are you _ever_ gonna let that go?”

“When I stop having flashbacks, maybe.”

“It _was_ a bit much, Catra,” Bow interceded. “You know you could have just _asked_.”

The cat-girl's ear twitched. “We did.  _She_ didn't listen. So I  _made_ her listen. All right, I may have gone a  _little_ overboard...”

“A _little_?” Glimmer bristled.

“ _But_...I've apologised, _three times_ , while I don't recall you apologising even _once_ for the never-ending cat jokes.”

Glimmer had the grace to look at least a little chagrined. “Well, if you would insist on  _being_ such a cat...”

“I am _not_! I look pretty catty, yes, and I do the _occasional_ catty thing, when I _choose_ to, but I am _not_ so much of a cat I can't control it!”

“So, you _don't_ purr every time Adora comes within a foot of you?”

The blonde leaned close, petting her hand in an attempt to calm her, and hard as she fought it, a rumble of pleasure instantly rose from the feline. She glowered, ears flaring, and batted the other girl away.

“And your tail _doesn't_ lash when you're agitated?”

Catra snatched it up, glaring at it, but the tip kept defiantly twitching.

“And you _aren't_ totally mesmerised at the sight of a ball of yarn?”

The cat-girl scoffed, even as a cold chill trickled down her spine. “Not in a million  _years_ would IIIIIIIIIII...” Her body jolted stiff, eyes dilating, ears taut, nose twitching, tail lashing out of her hands.

“Are you... _quite_ sure about that?” Glimmer asked, smugly, waving the large, yellow sphere of twine she now held back and forth.

“III...” Catra's head wove to and fro with it, her body leaning forwards, then she abruptly slapped herself. “ _Hate_ you right now.”

“And...” Glimmer lifted the ball. “If I were to throw this, you _wouldn't_ be immediately and irresistibly compelled to chase after it?”

Catra's claws dug into the ground, and her teeth gritted. “No.”

Glimmer threw the ball. Catra's claws dug deeper, her teeth clenched so hard it was a wonder none of them cracked, her tail lashed so fast it was a blur behind her, and then she was gone.

Glimmer watched them scramble after the yarn, positively radiating self-satisfaction. “I think I've proven my point.”

“You know you're going to regret this, right?” Bow told her, wincing.

Catra tumbled past, a bundle of puffed-up fur tangled in twine; Adora rushed after her.

“There's nothing she could do to make me regret this.” Glimmer was entirely unperturbed. “Now, help me pack the picnic away.”

A bigger, uncomfortably jumbled lump of Catra and Adora, strung up with yarn, came to a rest ten feet away. An upside-down cat-girl's face glowered death at the Queen.

“If it's CAT-ra she wants,” she growled, “then it's CAT-ra she gets.”

Adora moaned softly.

\- - - - -

Catra sat next to Glimmer at breakfast, and almost immediately began to look uncomfortable. She twitched, and fidgeted, Glimmer growing more confused and unsettled the longer it went on, then finally started dry retching. She leaned towards the Queen's plate as she did so, and Glimmer was quick to whip it out of the way. Then a smirk grew.

“Since your food seems to have upset your stomach, you should give mine a try.” She coolly pressed the full plate right into Catra's face, and gave it a twist for good measure. “I'll go get a new serving.”

As they ambled away, humming, Catra blinked through a mess of wet food. “That did not go according to plan.”

“Sooo,” Adora ventured, twiddling her fingers. “Does that mean you'll stop trying to wind her up?”

“No chance. I'll just try harder.”

“Oh, dear.”

\- - - - -

Glimmer sat down with her back to a tree. “We'll take a short rest,” she decided, “then hike back home.”

“Fine by me.” Catra stretched her hands out towards a neighbouring tree, claws extended.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you,” Glimmer warned.

Catra smirked, digging her claws in, then slowly drawing them down, with a scrape that set the teeth of everyone else present on edge. “Not  _annoying_ , is it?”

“It is.” Glimmer grimaced. “But I was more worried about the nest.”

“Nest?” One of Catra's ears cocked.

“Ants' nest,” Glimmer expanded, starting to smirk herself.

Catra swallowed. “Ants' nest?”

“Dancing ants, to be precise.”

Catra's ears wilted. “They're not called that because they do a pretty little jig as they walk, are they?”

“No. They're called that...”

The cat-girl started yelping, and slapping herself, and jumping around, and spinning, and writhing, in something close to a manic rhythm.

“Because they make _you_ dance.” Glimmer folded her arms behind her head. “I hear water's good for getting rid of them.”

Frantically, Catra scrambled for a nearby pool, diving in. It did get rid of the ants, but it left her sitting, wet and glum, in the shallows.

Adora crouched close. “ _Now_ will you stop?”

Catra spat out a small fish. “No.”

\- - - - -

Glimmer doused the lights, and slid into her bed. She settled in, gave a gentle, contented sigh, and closed her eyes. Less than thirty seconds later a horrible screeching wail rose from outside her window. Flinging back her sheets, she left the bed, marched over and looked out, to see the noise was coming from Catra, perched atop a close by tree.

“What are you _doing_?!” she hollered.

“Singing you a lullaby!” came the cheerful response.

“More like a dirge,” Glimmer muttered, casting around.

Grabbing one of her heaviest shoes, she took careful aim, then threw it as hard as she could. It hit the side of Catra's head with a satisfying  _thok_ , the cat-girl swayed dazedly on the spot for a few seconds, wailing running down like her batteries were draining, then her eyes rolled up and she keeled over backwards.

“Much better.” Glimmer dusted her hands and went back to bed.

Below the tree, Adora worked to extract a still-groggy feline from the bush they'd fallen into. “Will you  _please_ give up?”

Catra lifted an unsteady finger. “Never!”

\- - - - -

Glimmer pored over the documents, studying them intently, engrossed in them. She didn't so much as twitch when the door clicked and Catra walked into the room. She did raise a brow minutely when the cat-girl almost immediately left again, then it furrowed as they promptly came back in. The frown deepened more and more as the feline persisted in entering and exiting, until finally she slammed a hand on her desk.

“Can you _please_ make your mind up?” she demanded, glaring.

Catra shrugged, with half a toothy smirk.

“Then allow me to make it up for you.” A thrust of Glimmer's hand in the cat-girl's direction, and they were encased in magic.

“Wh...” Before she could even start speaking, Catra was hurled out of the open window. She described an elegant arc up, out and down into the lake, screaming all the way. On eventually reaching the shore, she was met by Adora with a towel.

“Kitten,” they begged, their eyes wide and watery, “would you please, please, _please_ try to smooth things over with her? For me?”

Catra muttered, then sagged. “All right. But I'll do it my way.”

“I'm both relieved and worried by that.”

\- - - - -

Glimmer was the last to arrive for breakfast, and when she reached her chair, she reeled back in shock. A mouse lay on it, limbs at odd angles, body limp, tongue lolling out. Naturally, her eyes went right to Catra, who was giving her a beseeching, quavery-eyed look.

“I _think_ ,” Bow tentatively suggested, “she's trying to apologise.”

Glimmer's brows almost vanished beneath her hair. “And she couldn't just  _say_ she's sorry?”

“She thought this would be more...effective,” Adora explained, hands wringing lightly.

“Not sure the poor mouse would agree.” Glimmer sighed, then went to the cat-girl, opening her arms. “I'll stop teasing, you stop irritating, we'll call a truce. Deal?”

Catra nodded, accepting and returning the embrace. “Deal.”

“Good.” Glimmer turned back to her chair, then paused; for an instant she'd seen the mouse's head lifted and looking at her, before its little black eyes bulged and it dropped again with the tiniest thunk. Stifling a laugh, she casually picked up a knife. “Maybe I should make sure it's really, actually dead...”

“ _No_!” Catra lunged forwards to snatch the mouse up, and cradled it to her chest, glowering at the Queen. “Don't you _dare_ hurt Nibbles!”

“Aw, you couldn't really, actually kill it,” Glimmer simpered, then her eyes began to grow, and sparkle. “Wait. You're a _cat_...”

Bow leapt to his feet, starting to back away. “Uh, Glimmy...”

“With a pet mouse...”

Adora joined him. “Maybe you shouldn't...”

“You've called _Nibbles_...”

Bow bolted. “Evacuate! Evacuate!”

“That's...”

Catra twitched.

“So...”

Adora ducked and covered.

“ _Cute_!”

Catra screamed. Glimmer never knew she could run so fast.


	3. No Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer finds getting away from Catra is a whole lot harder than she'd ever anticipated.

Glimmer raced half the length of Bright Moon before she remembered she could teleport. She jumped to her room, hurried to lock the door, then cast around for something to brace against it. A chair was passed to her, and she jammed it under the door handle, and only after taking a breath of relief did she think to look and see who gave it to her.

Catra waved. “Hey, Sparkles.”

“ _Gah_!” Glimmer slammed back against the door. “How...?!”

“I'm a cat. We have our ways.” She reached for the other girl.

Glimmer yelped again, and teleported to King Micah's room. “I'll be safe,” she assured herself. “Even Catra wouldn't come in here.”

“Not normally, no, but...”

“ _Yee_!” The Queen jumped and span; the cat-girl was right behind her, arms folded.

“Now, can we...”

Glimmer teleported to the first place that popped into her mind, the castle library, then wove her hurried way through the maze of looming, book-laden shelves to the quietest part, right in one of the far corners, and sat on the floor, back against a shelf, hands over her eyes. After a _lot_ of deep breaths, and no sound of anyone approaching, she opened her eyes, and they bulged on seeing Catra lounging next to her, a book in their hands.

“Nice spot. I'll have to remember it.”

Glimmer screamed noiselessly, and vanished. She reappeared in the middle of the kitchen, startling a cook so much they flung the pan they were holding into the air. Attempts to catch it resulted in a manic rush of juggling, before they lost it completely and it tumbled for the floor, only to be snatched up by Catra.

“Careful, Sparkles,” she admonished, handing the pot to the intensely relieved cook. “That could have been messy.”

Glimmer let out an inarticulate screech, and teleported to the top of the waterfall spire that soared so high above Bright Moon. She stayed put, not moving a muscle, eyes closed, for several minutes, and when she heard nothing, she risked starting to relax.

“View's great, but needs a _lot_ less water.”

“ _AAAAAAAAAH_!”

Glimmer leapt to the Whispering Woods, clumsily climbed a tree, and found Catra waiting at the top, nonchalantly swinging her tail. The girl jumped to a deeper part of the woods, wove through several hundred feet of trees, only to almost run right into the feline as they hung lazily by their legs from a low branch, arms dangling.

Teleporting even further, to a cave she was sure only she knew about, Glimmer checked, double-checked and triple-checked that no-one else was around, then sealed the entrance with magic. Summoning a light, she moved deeper into the cave system, walking through a long, high cavern of stalagmites and stalactites, crossing an underground stream, passing a cluster of shining blue crystals being admired by Catra, took a left turn into a...

She jolted to a halt, spun round, dashed back to gape incredulously at the feline, then jumped away. She reappeared on the fringes of what had been the Fright Zone until the released magic had washed over it, leaving a dizzying confusion of metal and foliage that defied naming or description, and rushed deeper in.

She passed by Scorpia alternating between examining what had been the barracks and hugging Catra so hard the cat-girl's face turned blue, Lonnie shaking her head at a limping Kyle being fussed over by Rogelio while all of them barely tolerated an apologetic Catra, a large group of former Horde cadets engaged in a lively game with a feline cheering all of them on, screamed so loud it was very possibly heard back in Bright Moon, and vanished.

She teleported from Catra singing shanties badly with Sea Hawk as a particularly fine boat was set on fire to Perfuma twining flowers into a meditating feline's hair to Huntara winning a drinking contest with an unsteady and flushed cat-girl to Frosta lobbing ice balls at a screaming Catra to Netossa threatening a sheepish feline with a full water bottle as their wife tried to calm them down to Entrapta and Hordak working on some indescribable technology while the cat-girl backed away with an uncomfortable look on their face to two Catras perfectly mirroring each other's movements to a small white languid dog in red telling the feline he was very happy to Catra canoodling with Adora on a bench in Bright Moon's gardens.

Glimmer fell to her knees with a feral scream, pulling her hair. “HOW ARE YOU...?! _WHY_ ARE YOU...?! I-is this some kind of-of freaky secret cat power or-or-or has Melog somehow cloned you a thousand million times or-or is this my own personal purgatory where I'm doomed to be chased by you forever because if it is you might as well just kill me now and have done with it!”

Catra knelt in front of the hard-breathing Queen, who started, a glow growing about them; the cat-girl's hand flashed out, an extended claw touching their shoulder lightly. “I just have quick reflexes, Sparkles.”

Glimmer fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic owes a serious debt to Tex Avery.


End file.
